My thoughts =)

For the longest time I have been thinking of ways I can put myself out there with my thoughts and feelings whether it be good or bad. It has always been a struggle for me to show my emotions, I guess always in fear of the unknown. But I figure what better way for me, I guess you can say therapudic, for me to express everything in words. I feel like the I have so much to say, to I guess get off my chest I thought I would start this blog to not only have an outlet for me but to also share with everyone my pride and joy, my daughter.

In everyone's life you have moments in time that change your life, good or bad, that sort begin to mold who you are or lead you down the path of who you are to become. Well I have two moments in my life withing the past year that are moments I will never forget!!!

December 21, 2007 the day my life would change for the better, I would later come to realize. This is the day I found out I was going to have a baby. Still in shock of hearing those words feels like it was yesterday. A million and one thoughts run through my head as I head to my car wondering what the hell I was going to do. What are my parents going to say, how will they react? What is her father going to think? What are my friends going to say? But most importantly ready or not I was going to be a mother and the best damn mother I could be!!! With it being so clost to christmas I was freaking out do I tell them now or do I wait till after? Well being the person I am I waited, I was just hoping I wouldn't get sick with all the food and smells,thankfully I lasted through it. As the weeks passed and I began to let people into my world I started to see who my true family and friends were. I lost those who I thought would be there but I gained some that I never thought I would have in my life, a nice unexpected suprise!! Those people came into my life for a reason and without them I think it would have been a hard 9 mo. for me. Although I basically went at this alone those people were the to encourage me and let me know that everything would be ok =).

August 9, 2008. This is by far the best day of my life, my daughter was born. Funny how she came about on the day of my baby shower. Through all the ups and downs of feeling alone and wondering if I was going to be able to give my little girl the world and if I would be a great mother all flew out the window the second I saw her face. It's hard to describe the love that you feel for this little person that will only grow stronger over time. The moment I held her I made a promise to her that I would do everything I can to give her the best life possible. I feel like everything in my life came into perspective. No longer am I #1 in my life, she is the first and foremost the most important thing to me, it's all about her. I realize there are going to be things that I miss with my friends, the ones that are left, but I am ok with that because I have the best thing right here. Everyday is a growing process with her and to see her grow and learn how to smile and make all the cute little noises just amazes me that I made this amazing little person. Life couldn't be better for her and I and who knows what the future holds for us and our amazing little ride.